The Rubbish Bin of an Unredeemable Romance Story
by Michimoro
Summary: After an altercation with Shinra, Yuffie decides it's in her best interest to, in the future, refuse to be Reeve's messenger girl. CU, Post ACC/DoC. Yuffie, Rufus... and Reno—the third wheel in this tale of schmoozing power grubbers.
1. Thursdæg: Yuffie and Rufus

**The Rubbish Bin of an Unredeemable Romance Story**

_(Formerly: The Rubbish Bin of Unredeemable Crack-Shots)_

Canon Universe (for the most part). Post DoC.

No.1: After an altercation with Rufus Shinra, Yuffie decides it's in her best interest to, in the future, refuse to be Reeve's messenger girl.

* * *

Upon arrival, Yuffie could see that it was a very busy day within the Main Street Plaza. The lobby receptionist seemed so frazzled with phone calls and paperwork, that she didn't even notice when Yuffie casually strolled on past her desk. This was fine by Yuffie; she really didn't want to be inside the interim Shin-Ra Headquarters–which constituted a block of office space in Downtown Edge–any longer than absolutely necessary.

_Go in, drop the message, and high tail it outta there_–that was her plan.

So, she was a little more than annoyed when she finally made it–through a maze of hallways and cubicals–to the back office where her target was located.

Said target was sitting at his desk, apparently engrossed in a call.

"Which part do you not understand? " President Rufus Shinra intoned ominously into his Tonberry, "The purchase order clearly stated that the shipments were to go to every reactor..."

Yuffie huffed a frustrated sigh, folded her arms, and waited for the man to finish his conversation. After thirty very long seconds of tapping her foot against the polished wooden floor, her patience ran out and she loudly cleared her throat.

"What happened to the one in Nibelheim?" Rufus paused, "You're telling me it went to Nidavel? Why would it have gone there?"

When the president continued his call without giving Yuffie any notice, she cleared her throat again–with exaggerated loudness–and said, "Excuse me, Rufus Shinra. I'm in a hurry, here, so you better wrap it up."

Still getting no response from Rufus, Yuffie fisted her hands on her hips and glowered across the desk at the man in the leather chair beyond. Ignoring her when she had places to go and things to do…

Well, she'd show him! With a sudden–and completely devious–smirk, Yuffie lifted her head and took a breath, "Hey, you! Marry me. Right now. Or else!"

At last, Rufus vaguely acknowledged her presence with a wave of his hand and a distracted, "Hm? Make an appointment with the receptionist out front."

Incensed about the brush-off, Yuffie pumped a fist into the air and shook it for all it was worth, "Hey! Aren't you even listening?"

Rufus then sighed and leaned back into his chair, "No. Find it, or you're fired."

Ending the call, the president placed the phone upon his desk and turned in his swivel chair to face his obnoxiously insistent visitor. Leaning forward, the older man set his elbows upon the desk as he steepled his fingers and stared expectantly at Yuffie.

Yuffie blinked.

Rufus narrowed his eyes.

Yuffie scrunched her nose with a frown and fisted her hands onto her hips. She returned his stare with her best, most menacing glower.

"Can I help you?" Rufus asked in a level voice that sounded more like he meant to say, _"Speak, you insignificant peon, or get out."_

Yuffie blinked, again, "You say that like you don't know who I am."

"By the timing, I can only assume that you are Reeve's assistant."

"Assistant my foot!" Yuffie stomped said foot for emphasis, "I'm the Great White Rose of Wutai, and the best gosh darn ninja around. And don't you forget it, Rufus Shinra!"

Rufus inhaled, "Yuffie Kisaragi."

He then cleared his throat and lowered his steeped fingers. Directing an amicable smile toward the young woman, he said, "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Yuffie narrowed her own eyes suspiciously.

"Got a message from Reeve," Yuffie said as she folded her arms across her chest and scrunched her nose. "He's been _trying_ to reach you for gawd knows how long, and is wondering when you are going to get back to him about... whatever it is that you two_ seedy_ _geezers_ are up to."

"Ah, I suspected as much." Rufus murmured with a curt nod before he instructed Yuffie to "Tell the Commissioner that I have some final figures to look over. I'll contact him, afterward."

Yuffie grinned in relief.

_Finally! _

She could get back to more important things. Nodding, she hastily announced, "Great! I'll be going, then! Make sure you don't take too long because I so have better things to do than be some _messenger girl_ between you two."

That done and dealt with, Yuffie was ready to be on her merry way when Rufus called her attention, "Oh, before you leave, Miss Kisaragi..."

"Eh?" Yuffie paused, mid stride, in her departure to look back toward the Shin-Ra president.

"About that marriage ultimatum…"

_Oh, snap!_

"I… Ah… Well... That is…" Yuffie sputtered momentarily before she inhaled, puffed out her chest, and pulled on a grin that was filled with more bravado than any woman her size should be able to possess.

"Well, Shinra," she drawled out, "I was thikin'. You've got, like, boatloads of gill. And, boatloads of gill can buy boatloads of materia. I need materia to restore power to Wutai, so vis-à-vis, we need to get married. So that way, all your gill and materia would belong to me... I mean, Wutai!"

Rufus stared at her, once again.

It was such a long, motionless stare that Yuffie started to suspect that he might have had an aneurism… Or, he had fallen asleep with his eyes open.

That was until a very unnerving smirk pulled across the corner of his lips. Rufus then spoke in a baritone so silky-smooth that it sent a creepy shiver down the ninja's spine.

"Marriage, you say? That's a _very _interesting proposition, Miss Kisaragi."

The way Rufus said her named made her stomach turn–and not in the good way–as a sense of doom squelched her bravado.

"Alright," Rufus continued, "I'll agree to your proposal, on the condition that I am granted a land contract in Wutai. I believe that the southernmost terrain will be sufficiently suitable for construction of an energy center."

In response to Yuffie's wide-eyed floundering and chocked gasps, Rufus's smirk grew predatory. With a nod, he reached for his touch-screen Tonberry and said, "I'll have the Pre-nuptial Agreement drawn up and sent for your signature."

"Wait! No! I was just kidding about getting mar–" Yuffie paused as his admittance caught up to her, "Hey! You people are still on about that? No way you're putting a mako reactor in Wutai! If you think that I'll just let you–"

"Not a mako reactor," Rufus interrupted, "Something new."

"Huh?"

Rufus then genially smiled in a manner befitting that of a salesman, "Come to dinner with me. I can tell you about it, then."

Yuffie stared, skeptically, at Rufus. _D__id… Did he just ask me out? On a date... to arrange some weird business marriage? Oh, he's so totally bluffing,_ Yuffie suspected; _it's probably some creepy weird attempt to get back at me. Well, fine then. I'll show you that nobody messes with the Great Ninja Yuffie. I'll call your bluff and up the ante!_

Yuffie sniffed and looked past Rufus toward the glass windows that lined the far wall of the office. She then sighed in an exaggerated visage of feigned indifference, "Eh, why not." And then, turning to face Rufus once again, Yuffie fisted her hands on her hips and inclined her head.

"I'm free tomorrow..." Yuffie trailed before she grinned greedily and continued with her own terms, "Just know that I want to go somewhere really, really expensive. Preferably with lobster on the menu, got it?"

"Lobster, hm? I wonder..." Rufus pondered aloud while he rubbed his chin. He then nodded while a suspiciously blithe smile, that bordered more on diabolical than merry, crept across his lips. "Very well, it's a date. And, I know just the place; so, I'll make the reservations. How does seven thirty sound?"

_Eww... Grossness... The geezer's actually wanting to go through with this? What is he? Some kinda... creeper cradle snatcher?_

Completely ignoring her own penchant toward flirting with mopey older men—not to mention how Cloud and Vincent never actually responded to her advances, anyway—Yuffie gulped back a taste of bile while her skin turned slightly green, "病気と思う少し..."

Rufus blinked, "What was that, Miss Kisaragi?"

Yuffie deflated.

"Uh, I mean, fine. Seven thirty's OK…" Once she noticed his arched eyebrow and knowing smirk, she inflated right back up and pointed a demanding finger toward his pompous mug, "Don't you dare stand me up, Geezer. Or, you'll never have the chance to go out with this," she jabbed a thumb against her chest, "Awesome Young Hottness, again."

"Duly noted. In that case, I'll pick you up, personally. You are staying at the Seventh Heaven, right?"

Yuffie coughed out a small, "Yeah…"

"Good. Be ready at seven. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a business to run."

"Fine," Yuffie scrunched her nose, "You're excused." With that said, she stalked out of the president's office with her head held high.

Once out of sight, Yuffie released a frustrated scream that startled the new intern, so much so, that the poor girl ended up with the president's coffee spilt all over her white blouse.

_Gawd! How awful!_

She had finally been asked out on a date, for the first time!

And, it had to be by someone like him—a smarmy, power-hungry, land-grubber trying to make nicey-nice for reasons that were likely very shady.

_It's so totally unfair!_

_

* * *

_

**_UPDATE: 3/24/10 - This was originally an offshoot short story that spawned from my other fanfic, Hoddmimis Holt. However, I have since decided to make this Rufus x Yuffie one-shot into a full story that is completely independent from HH._**


	2. Frigedæg: Rufus and Reno

No. 2: Ever the ready wingman, Reno gives Rufus some unwarranted advice.

* * *

The bedlam of activity, which had shrouded the Interim Headquarters of Shin-Ra Electric Power Company throughout the last week, had calmed come Frigedæg afternoon. At half past five, most of the administrative staff had already called it a day and headed to their homes for the weekend. However, among the dimmed offices and cubicles that filled the sixth floor of Suite-K, the large office at the back remained brightly lit. It was within that very office that President Rufus Shinra sat behind a heavy oak desk with a half empty mug of cold coffee at his right and a pile of manila folders to his left. Through the narrow frames of a pair of wire-rimmed reading glasses, Rufus Shinra squinted at his computer screen—where a spreadsheet of tiny numerical fingers was displayed.

Pushing into his thirties, Rufus' eyes were no longer as good as they were during the days of his youth—not to say that he was was getting old. However, long hours spent reading under the harsh lighting of his laptop's screen, along with the corneal scarring and the resultant astigmatism of his left eye, had finally taken their toll. With contacts out of the question due to the easy irritability of that left eye—as well as Reno's suggestion of a monocle due to entirely different reasons—Rufus begrudgingly conceded to the fact that he did, indeed, need glasses.

Not to mention that the headaches he'd frequently get from his incongruous eyesight were becoming bothersome.

With a brief furring of his brow, he looked down at the ledger upon his desk and quickly marked a notation in red ink. _Finished. Perhaps, now, Reeve would stop nagging me like some sort of bearded mother hen… _Rufus suppressed a laugh at the mental image that thought inspired.

"Yo, Boss."

Rufus blinked, and then looked toward the entrance to his office to see the redheaded Turk, Reno, standing against the doorway with arms crossed. Rufus lowered his pen and sat forward. Directing an expectant look toward the man, he greeted curtly, "Reno. Do you need something?"

Reno glanced nonchalantly down the hall, just outside the doorway, before looking back toward Rufus. He subsequently grinned in an manner of such slyness that it could only mean something underhanded was afoot.

"Well..." Reno drawled. "Word 'round the water cooler's been that ya've got a date with the _Princess_. Tonight. So, shouldn't ya be…" Reno unfolded his arms and pointed a thumb behind him, "Headed out?"

Rufus arched an eyebrow while he gave Reno a dubious look and said, "Considering that my love life has become a popular discussion point for inner-office gossip, should I take this as an indication that I need to assign more work?"

"Nah," Reno waved a dismissive hand as he pushed himself away from the door-frame, "They're just surprised, is all."

The Turk then ambled forward and picked up a hand boiler off Rufus' desk—the curved glass cylinder had been serving as an oversized paperweight. As he flipped the hand boiler in his hand, Reno continued, "Think of it this way, when was the last time ya even attempted to have a life outside the office?"

To that, Rufus made a noncommittal noise.

"Exactly," Reno quipped while collapsing onto the seat across from Rufus's desk. He then upturned the glass to watch as the small, blue alcohol bubbles slowly flowed downward through a molasses of oil-filled tubing. Directing a roguish smile toward Rufus, Reno continued, "Change from the norm's bound to turn some heads, ya'know."

"It's still not their business, or yours, Reno."

"You say that, but yer still our _Fearless Leader_..." Reno trailed when he noticed that Rufus was giving him a rather foreboding stare, and then shrugged with a defeated sigh as he returned the hand boiler.

Reno then sat back in the chair while folding his hands behind his head, and after directly meeting Rufus's gaze, he said, "Still, it is about damn time you did get out of here, Boss. You know how it goes." The corners of Reno's eyes crinkled with his grin, "_All __work and no play_…"

"Reno," Rufus interrupted, "You do have a point to get to, right?"

"Well, yes..." Reno's grin brightened with a cheerful wink, "Just here to wish ya luck while you're out! And to tell ya that me 'n' the guys'll keep things in check, back here, so take as long as ya want."

Reno's smirk widened when the president pierced his lips into a scowl.

Rufus then shook his head and started collecting the manilas folders, which had been spread across his desk, into a pile while he muttered, "Let's hope everything won't burn down."

Reno's smirk pulled into a grin that bordered on goofy, "Aww, Boss, don't be like that. Rude an' I'll try not to light any fuses while you're away."

"I'll hold you to that." Rufus replied ambiguously while he collected the folders that were spread across his desk. He then pushed his chair back and stood. With a vaguely noticeable limp to his right foot—a vestige of the broken heel that he had sustained during Diamond WEAPON's attack—Rufus walked the short distance toward his filing cabinet and placed the folders within.

"But…" Reno mused aloud while he set the hand boiler back down upon the president's desk, "It was surprising…"

"Hm?"

"Yuffie Kisaragi…" Reno named before he let out a short whistle, "Never woulda taken _her_ to be your type…"

"She's not," Rufus retorted curtly as he made his way back to the desk. "It's just business."

"_Just business_, huh?"

Reno sucked in a slow breath and watched as Rufus proceeded to meticulously order the items upon it into their proper place. And then, after a moment of awkward silence, a meaningful smile slowly drew across Reno's lips.

"With thinkin' like that, Boss, ya ain't gonna get _laid,_ again, anytime soon."

"Thanks for the advice Reno." Rufus then turned a displeased look toward the redhead, and said, "It was very… unwarranted."

"Hey, just sayin…" Reno waved a hand, before he stilled, and then lowered it to scratch at the stubble on chin. Without warning—but completely expected, none the less—the redhead smirked in a manner that could only mean imminent danger for Rufus. Reno then leaned forward to rest on his elbows against his knees while he grinned at Rufus. "Well," he said with eyes full of mischief, "Here's a useful tidbit for ya, then. If ya want your _business_ with her to go well, ya should complement her rack. Washboards love that. Gives 'em self-confidence."

"Reno…"

* * *

NOTES:

Wow! I was surprised at the positive reviews that I received for the previous post, since Yuffie and Rufus is such an obscure and unlikely pairing.

Although I do have a few ideas of what I will do with this _refuse bin _of writings, I didn't really intend to post anything more regarding the pairing of Yuffie and Rufus. I don't consider myself to be a writer of romance; it's something that I've never been able to understand. Therefore, most of what I've put into the previous post was the result of my conjectural assertations toward the matter.

This particular fanfic was to serve, more or less, as a place to release my silly musings, so that I could compose more serious thoughts into my darker fanfiction, _Hoddmimis Holt. __However, _upon further consideration, I've decided that it might actually be amusing to write a Yuffie/Rufus story—simply on the grounds that their combined pairing names come out as either Ruffie or Yufus.

So, per the suggestion of those who left a review, I will continue working on this as a separate Yuffie/Rufus romance_—_or fail!mance, as I call it_—_story.

:P


	3. Frigedæg: Cloud, Rufus, and Yuffie

Number 3: In which Yuffie awakened to discover that she had slept with the enemy, and must now fumble through a stealthy escape.

**_NOTE: This chapter had been reposted due to some major edits that include expanded scenes, as well as, a slightly different ending. I felt that the last version didn't flow well, and was too rushed._**

**_

* * *

_**

* * *

_**Yuffie blinked** with blurry eyes through a veil of sweat-drenched hair while she lay on her side, feeling the even breaths of a man whose body was spooned against her back. She then shifted her legs, uncomfortable with how her dress had ridden up around her waist, and groaned._

_Godo was going to blow a gasket if he ever found out that his daughter was, quite literally, sleeping with the enemy._

_Yuffie sighed._

_In hindsight, she should have expected that a date with Rufus Shinra would turn out this way. Now, she was stuck with finding a way to sneak out._

_Just great._

_What a totally crappy ending for a day that started out just so peachy..._

_

* * *

_

**Come Frigedæg** **evening**, President Rufus Shinra found himself staring into the business end of one of Cloud's increasingly convoluted swords.

"Rufus Shinra. What'cha doin' around here?" Cloud glowered as his so-called former enemy, "I told you: I'm not interested in anything to do with Shin-Ra, so take it somewhere else."

In response to Cloud's less-than-amicable greeting, Rufus gave a disarming smile—to which the blond's grip on the hilt tightened—and lifted his left hand into a dubious gesture of surrender. The right remained at his side, where he held a wooden cane.

"Stand down, Cloud. I'm not here for _you_." Rufus hedged, and then inclined his head with an inhale. Looking Cloud directly in the eye, the Shin-Ra president continued quite matter-of-factually, "I'm here for one of your women."

Cloud stared at Rufus as the tip of his sword drooped, just a little. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me."

Cloud narrowed his eyes and lifted the sword, again. "What's this about?"

To that, Rufus smiled in a manner that looked entirely little too sly for Cloud's liking, "I believe Miss Kisaragi is expecting me."

"Why?"

"Well..." Rufus tilted his head, and then continued in a congenial tone that Cloud could only interpret as thinly-veiled sarcasm, "It's Frigedæg evening. Generally speaking, what do men normally do with women, at this time?"

"What…" Cloud gritted his teeth and furrowed his brows, "How should I know?"

"Huh..." Rufus's gaze fleetingly drifted toward the bar, "Pitty for your girlfriend."

Whatever response that Cloud might have deemed necessary to enact upon the president, however, was sadly interrupted when Yuffie came bounding into the bar, all the while hollering, "Hey Cloud! When Tifa gets back, can ya tell her that I went out for the—"

She froze in place when she saw the standoff at the door, and blinked. "Uh… What's going on?"

Cloud then directed a sidelong glance toward Yuffie and nearly choked.

There she stood, frozen mid-stride, sans all weaponry and materia. Quite disturbingly, the young tomboy turned not-so-young tomboy was decked out in a blue sundress which revealed that she actually possessed cleavage—or, at least, a very good push-up bra; but that was beside the point.

The point being that, by the halls of Asgard, she looked female!

Wait...

Did that mean Rufus was telling the truth?

"Yuffie..." Cloud ground out when he found his voice, "_Shinra_ says _he's_ here for _you_..."

"Ah hah hah…" Yuffie laughed very non-suspiciously, all the while thinking: _Aw, crap. _

To Cloud, she said, "Yup. Sure is. We, erm, have a... dinner date thing… So… Could you put down that sword? Please?"

"What? A… Date? How… Why… Dinner?" Cloud stared abject horror while Yuffie grinned innocently and rocked on her sandaled feet. A quick glance to Rufus revealed a man who looked very much like he'd won… at something.

Cloud suddenly suspected that _Muspell_ had frozen over…

Or, he was having one of those Lifestream hallucinations…

Again…

Cloud sighed in bewildered defeat, "Whatever." Deciding that it was best not to invest too much thought about the matter, lest his mind implode, he shook his head and sheathed his sword. "Fine, take 'er."

And then, while stalking back toward the bar, he muttered to Yuffie, "Jus' call if he gets rough."

"Eh heh… Sure, sure." Yuffie said while self-consciously running her hands along the fabric of her sundress in an effort to smooth out the wrinkles; but then she caught herself. Hastily, the White Rose of Wutai straightened and stood with her hands fisted onto her hips. Plastering a manic grin across her face, Yuffie spun toward the white-suited, cane-wielding Rufus, and chirped, "Where to, _Pops_?"

Rufus's face pulled into a tight smile that showed absolutely no sign of flinching. "South Side," he answered curtly, and then held out his left arm in a gentlemanly gesture that, to Yuffie, looked contrived when performed by a known megalomaniac and alleged sociopath.

Yuffie guardedly looked-over the Shin-Ra president before she stepped forward and took his arm with her right, "Alright-y. Lead the way."

With a nod, Rufus proceeded to lead Yuffie out of the Seventh Heaven and toward—what she was both surprised and not surprised to see—a nondescript black car.

Well, a black car that would have been nondescript fifty years ago.

With windows tinted, just so much as to give the sense of an impending crime scene, a restored muscle car was parked a few yards up the street from the Seventh Heaven.

_Oh, just great._

In combination with the cut of the president's choice wear—which was very reminiscent of a mobsteresque zoot suit—Yuffie was suddenly sure that this date would end in Rufus giving her_ an offer she couldn't refuse._

Yuffie forced a smile as Rufus opened the passenger door.

_With a car like this, that's always how these things end up... _

_Right?_

_

* * *

_

**_The Minotaur_ **was certainly less upscale than Yuffie would have expected from the likes of Rufus Shinra. However, it was no hole-in-the-wall either. The first thing that Yuffie noticed, upon entering the restaurant, was that the air smelled of smoked meats and hickory. Furnished with firearm collections, taxidermy, candlelight fixtures and mahogany décor, the restaurant also carried a certain antiquated atmosphere akin to that of a hunters' lodge.

Without waiting to be seated, Rufus gave a brief nod toward the hostess before he continued past the front desk and toward a foyer staircase that led to an upper-level loft. Yuffie stepped forward to walk alongside Rufus, and as they ascended the staircase, Yuffie gained a better view of the main floor's dining area. Although it was not crowded, there were several dozen customers sitting among the tables and booths, below. An impressive bar was located at the back of the main floor; and behind it, a tall glass window through which Yuffie could see three large, stainless steel vats. Upon seeing them, Yuffie stilled. Only rarely had she ever seen such machinery, and it was usually associated with MAKO infusion tanks…

"It's a microbrewery."

Yuffie jolted as Rufus's smooth voice interrupted her thoughts, and turned to her date, "Oh… A microbrewery… As in… Where beer is made?"

"Yes, that. Among ales, lagers, stouts, and some specialty brews. Their Coeurl Pale Ale is pretty good…" Rufus paused when he turned to see that Yuffie staring at him with very wide eyes.

"You're a beer drinker?"

Rufus frowned and his brow furrowed, "Something wrong with that?"

"No… I mean, I donno. I imagined you'd be the kind to drink something … I donno… More expensive… Like, uh, Dumappletinis…"

Rufus gave her a very peculiar look, before he turned away and continued up the stairs.

"Hey! What was with that look?" Yuffie waved her arms in protest before she quickly followed after Rufus's longer stride, "Reno orders 'em all the time at Seventh Heaven …"

Rufus cringed and Yuffie vaguely thought she heard Rufus mutter something about _Redheads _and _Dumbapples_. But, she couldn't be too sure. So, she squinted at the back of his head for a good, long moment before she continued, "Hey, speaking of redheads… What color is your hair, anyway?"

Rufus paused and turned halfway, "What?"

Yuffie scrunched her nose and stared up at Rufus with narrowed eyes. "I mean, like, naturally. I remember your hair being different, back then… Maybe it was the light, but, aren't _you_ a redhead?"

Rufus silently stared down the steps at Yuffie, before his eyes strayed toward the beer vats, "Originally." He then turned, lifted his cane, and resumed his limped climb up the stairs.

"You bleach it or something?"

Rufus replied with a noncommittal grunt.

Yuffie hesitated at his non-answer, but then sighed and continued following the president up the stairs.

* * *

**_The Minotaur's Loft _**was sparsely occupied, and looked to be a place normally reserved for either special guests or private parties. The tables were further spread, and there were a few couches and armchairs located near a fireplace at the far wall. It was toward that fireplace which Rufus led Yuffie. Stopping at a nearby table, he propped his cane against the side and pulled back a chair.

"Have a seat, Miss Kisaragi."

Yuffie shifted from one foot to the other, not quite expecting the gentlemanly gesture, before she marched forward and sat down. She watched Rufus as he walked around the small table. He then sat in the chair across from her, leaned back, and waved a hand to get the waiter's attention.

Once sure that the waiter had seen him, Rufus turned a smile toward Yuffie and said, "He'll get a menu to us, shortly."

Yuffie nodded, "Er, do you come here often?"

"Off and on. An old friend of the family owns the place, so—"

"You have friends?" Yuffie sputtered before she could think better of it.

To that, Rufus gave an incredulous look toward Yuffie, "Is it really that surprising?"

Yuffie waved her hands and quickly backpedaled, "No, not at all, I mean…"

"It's quite all right," Rufus said with a shake of his head, "I tend to overwork—or so I'm told. Reno'd probably say the same thing."

Not sure how to respond to that, "Uh huh," was all Yuffie could think to say.

"Mr. Shinra, your menus."

Yuffie sighed in relief when they were interrupted by the appearance of a menu-wielding waiter—a tall, scrawny man with a thin nose and a thinner mustache.

Rufus nodded a quick thanks while he accepted the menu and passed the other to Yuffie. He then opened his wine menu and passed dismissive glance toward the waiter, "We'll take two glasses of water while we decide."

"Right away, sir." The man then bowed his head before he made for a quick departure.

Yuffie was about to give her own menu a look-over when she noticed that Rufus had been watching her with a rather strange expression drawn across his face. Not quite sure what meaning to derive from it, Yuffie could only bristle with paranoia when Rufus visibly looked her over. Having the sneaking suspicion that the president had been looking at her chest, she folded her arms and scrunched her nose, "What?"

Rufus's gaze shifted back meet hers before he asked, in form of a statement, "You are old enough to drink…"

Surprised, Yuffie opened and closed her mouth before retorting, "I think that's the most pedophilic thing I've heard someone say to me."

Rufus uncomfortably leaned back in his seat, his posture instantly rigid, "What?"

She grinned, then, jumping at the chance to unnerved the always-too-calm President of Shin-Ra.

"Of course I'm old enough." Yuffie preened, "Been legal in this country since _this morning_."

Yuffie grinned.

_Score one for the Yuffster!_

"Ah…" Rufus paused before he leaned forward and set his loosely clasped hands upon the table, "Really, now? _That's_ the most?"

He left the rest unsaid as Yuffie's feeling of triumph crashed and burned.

Affronted, Yuffie gasped, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You are..." Rufus paused while seeming to give Yuffie an appraising look, "An attractive young woman."

Said attractive young woman chocked a on sudden surge of panic and bile, "Eww, are you trying to come on to me?"

Rufus shook his head, "Wouldn't think of it," and then looked back down at his wine menu. "Anyway," he started in an obvious move to change the subject, "If you're planning to go with boiled lobster, I'd suggest a Chardonnay… Huh." He paused as he skimmed through the list, "They carry Banora Hills. I haven't seen that in a while…"

"Hey!" Yuffie scrunched her nose, not knowing whether she should be offended or not. Then, with a very indigent frown, she settled for calling him out with a rather blunt, "Are you trying to change the subject one me?"

Rufus turned a page, "Do you have any diplomacy, at all?"

Yuffie sat back in her chair with a huff.

_Diplomacy, huh? I'll show him diplomacy._

Folding her arms, Yuffie glowered and Rufus, and asked, point-blank, "So, _Mister President_… What gives?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why're we here?"

Rufus looked up from his menu, cast his gaze toward Yuffie, and answered after a short pause, "…You mentioned that you wanted lobster. This is the only place, I know of, that prepares it decently."

Yuffie gaped, before she gritted her teeth and pumped a fist at him, "Don't be all smarty-ass with me, Shinra! We both know this isn't a real date."

"Isn't it?"

"Guah! Will you quit fooling around?" Frustrated, Yuffie pushed the chair and stood with her hands on her hips, "This is getting so annoying. There's no way we'd ever date, for real, so you better tell me what you really want. What was that about a land contract and new energy something or other that's nothing to do with a mako reactor? You said you were going to tell me about it, so out with it!"

With a tightened jaw and narrowed eyes, Rufus replied in a terse voice, "Fair enough." He then picked up his menu and continued in a congenial tone, "I'm sure you've heard that my company is exploring alternative energy."

Yuffie narrowed her eyes as she recalled something Barret Wallace once said, "Yeah. I've also heard people say it's something to do with stealing energy from the sky instead of the planet."

In response, Rufus gave her a strange look that only made Yuffie feel like she just said something rather stupid.

"What?" Yuffie bristled.

Rufus then let out a dismissive laugh and shook his head. "So _that's_ the rumor opponents are spreading around?"

"Rumor? So it's not true?"

She watched as Rufus lowered his menu to set it upon the table, before he gazed past her shoulder and toward the window. "In the most abstract sense," he started, "It is true." Rufus then returned his gaze to her and continued, "However, such energy is not something to be stolen when it is so freely available. That is, once the technology is developed to extract efficiently from it."

Yuffie frowned in annoyance, Wallace's suspicions confirmed that Shinra and his company were still up to their no-good, planet-harming schemes. Still... She might as well get as much information out of him as she could while he seemed to be in such a divulging mood—no matter how much she suspected that the only reason he was being so generous was because he wanted his grubby hands on Wutai.

So, with a forced smile and a look of interest, she asked, "What kind of technology are you talking about?"

* * *

**As she awakened**, Yuffie blinked with blurry eyes through a veil of sweat-drenched hair. Her body felt stiff and uncomfortable, especially with how her dress had ridden up around her waist. She tried to move, but her hands were tied together by, what felt like, wire; and when she shifted her legs, she quickly found that they were also bound. Despite the heat, a sudden chill went through her spine when she felt a man breathe down her neck—a man whose body was spooned around hers. It was pitch black and she had no clue where she was, or who she was pressed up against. Nausea soon twisted through her gut when the realized that, while she had no memory of how she ended up in this position, she had likely been drugged.

Trying not to cry at the implications that ran through her mind, Yuffie tried to push the man away by shoving her shoulder roughly into his chest.

The man shifted with a jolt, followed by a pained groan and a muttered, "The hell?"

She knew that voice.

It was Rufus Shinra.

Not able to hold back the tears anymore, Yuffie cried, "You jerk!"

"What?"

"H-how could you… You let me go!"

"Huh? Kisaragi?" Rufus responded through a very groggy sounding voice. "What are you…"

"Get away from me!"

"Kisaragi… Calm done!" Rufus's voice cut through her panic with that harsh command. And then, he continued in a quieter tone, "I assume that you are bound, as well…"

Yuffie didn't know whether to be even more horrified, or relieved. She laid there for a stunned moment as she hiccupped, trying to fight back her panic so that she could think straight.

She had to calm down and take stock of the situation.

As far as she could tell, she was tied up somewhere very hot and very dark; and, it seemed that Rufus Shinra was tied up, alongside her…

Oh…

"I think…" Yuffie sniffed and gained hold of her wavering voice, "I think we've been kidnapped."

"You don't say…" Rufus trailed off, but then asked, "Why?"

"You act like it's my fault! Why the hell would I know?"

"Well, there are plenty of reasons…" Rufus started before he abruptly stopped. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he asked in a tone that sounded uncharacteristically cautious to Yuffie's ears, "Miss Kisaragi…"

Rufus paused, "Yuffie. Are you… Okay?"

"Yeah," she sniffed in response, "I guess. You?"

"Cramped," she heard Rufus sigh, "But, otherwise, I'm fine."

Yuffie took a deep, calming, breath before she spoke again, "Where do you think we are?"

"Best guess? By the carpeting and heat, I'd say somebody's car trunk."

"A trunk! How perfect."

Suddenly, Yuffie felt like she wanted to laugh at the whole satiation. "Shoulda figured. This whole thing started out in a mobster car. What next? Some Mafioso will pop up, demanding that you pay him some totally insane boatload of Gill that your old man had owed before he kicked the bucket?"

"Don't be ridiculous. That is entirely…" Rufus trailed off into silence, and Yuffie heard something thud behind her. "Entirely possible…"

Yuffie laughed, despite herself, "I _so_ knew it."

"Hnrn," Rufus grumbled incomprehensively.

"Well, at least it's an interesting date… If we don't end up _sleepin' with the fishes. _Oh gawd!" She gasped, "If this car's thrown into a lake, I'm totally coming back to haunt you."

"You watch too many movies."

Finally getting her nerves back, Yuffie shook her head against the trunk's carpeting. She was kidnapped and locked in a trunk with Mister Rich Geezer. Not the best of the situations, but not the worst—definitely not the worst.

_Okay, just gotta mount an escape. Piece o' Cake for the Single White Rose of Wutai._

With a determined nod, Yuffie then tried to pry her hands free from her restraints—to which Rufus made a strange noise. When she found that she couldn't wiggle free, she let out a groan. Yuffie was silent for a long moment after that, trying to come up with the best course of action.

The ties were strong, too strong to wriggle free from without undue time and injury. However, if she were to come up with a way to quickly cut herself free before their kidnappers decided to return…

Yuffie suddenly let out an annoyed groan, "Aww, crap."

"What is it?"

After a hesitant pause, Yuffie signed, "I need you to reach into my bra."

"What?" She heard Rufus make a strange noise in the back of his throat, "Kisaragi, now's really _not_ the time for _that_…"

"馬鹿, " Yuffie groaned and thunked her head against the floorboard, "I hid a pocketknife there, you… You big dummy. If you can reach it, I can cut myself free."

"And how, exactly, am I supposed to reach it?" Rufus retorted with an annoyed edge to his whisper. "Care to enlighten this _big dummy?"_

"I... Well... Erm..." Yuffie stuttered as she trailed, "I didn't think that far..." At a bit at a loss for what to do, she bit her lower lip in thought. But then, "I've got an idea!"

"Yeah?"

"Turn over," she commanded without further explanation.

There was a short pause that followed before Rufus grunted, "Fine," and started to struggle move his larger frame within the small confines of the trunk. However, the attempt was soon cut short when she heard a thud, followed by a hiss of pain.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Bit too cramped."

"Aww, shoot." Yuffie sighed. "Okay, I know. I'll try to get behind you."

The petite ninja then rolled over and proceeded to worm her way across the body of her fellow captive in an effort to get behind him.

Rufus suddenly gasped in pain.

"What?"

Rufus make a wheezing noise that sounded very much like he was breathing through his teeth.

"Something wrong?"

"Dammit, woman, get your knee out of my crotch."

"Oh?" Yuffie shifted, "Is that what that is? I can't see anything. I was hoping it was your stomach."

"No," Rufus ground out. "Little hard for that, isn't it?"

Yuffie paused, and then made a small noise in the back of her throat. "Erm, Sorry…"

"_Just move_ …"

Yuffie then hastily managed to worm her way behind Rufus; but, in order for him to be able to reach into her dress, she ended up in a position that was very uncomfortable and awkward. With her knees wedged between his, she managed to lay with her chest near Rufus's lower back and within reach of his bound hands. She tried not to squirm when she felt his warm, sweaty hands palmed their way down the front of her dress.

"Which side?"

"Huh?"

"The knife," Rufus prompted, "Which side?"

"Oh, left. It's…" Yuffie paused, before she continued miserably, "Hidden in the padding."

Yuffie bit her lower lip when she felt Rufus's long and bony fingers graze across her nipple as he tried to find the pocketknife.

"Oh. Sorry."

Yuffie rolled her eyes—it had better been by accident, or she'd kill him. Irritated even further when she felt his hand cup her breast through the push-up bra, she grumbled, "I bet you engineered all of this. If you did, I'll kill you when we get out of here, maybe while we're in here!"

Rufus let out a curt noise, and then said distractedly, "Trust me… If I had engineered this, you would have woken up in a very different position."

Yuffie, aghast, sputtered, "W-what's that supposed to mean!"

"What?"

"What did you just mean?"

"Is this it?"

"No!" Yuffie gasped, "Left, left!"

_Gawd, how totally embarrassing._

"You totally engineered this."

"Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually like being in trunks..."

Yuffie grumbled, "That ain't what I'm talking about…"

_He had better not been enjoying this…_

_

* * *

_

**Rufus frowned** while his fingers continued their exploration. He found the bottom rim of the padded cup, and, following it, found that it had a wire support that was connected by a clasp between her breasts…

_Complement her rack. Washboards love that._

He stilled when Reno's suggestion returned, unbidden, to his mind. Reno… that man must have had some sort of uncanny precognitive ability—to give such a wise-ass quip about complementing Yuffie's breasts the same day that Rufus would end up with his hand down her dress…

Rufus sighed.

_If Reno didn't get there soon, he'd be getting a pay cut._

"Ahem."

Rufus blinked; and realized, then, that he had been a little distracted—too distracted for a man who currently had his hands feeling around young women's breasts…

"Shinra…"

And said young women's tone was decidedly less than pleased—more like outright foreboding.

"Yes, Kisaragi?"

"Are you gonna get that knife out, _anytime soon_? Or, are you just gonna lay there _groping_ me like some _gross pervert_?"

"Depends," Rufus answered dryly. "Which answer can I get away with, if I told you I like what I feel?"

He soon regretted his words when Yuffie sharply pressed her bony knee into his groin, thus implementing a preemptive strike against any future plans of reproduction.

Suppressing a pained groan, Rufus inhaled deeply before he resumed feeling around the padding of her bra. He quickly located the small knife, and was in the middle of pulling it out from the padding when the bra's clasp snapped apart.

Yuffie squeaked loudly and Rufus lost his hold on the knife.

"Y-you just unhooked my bra, you… you… fumble-fingers!"

Rufus sighed into the trunk's carpeting, "Not so loud. Focus on our escape."

"You're telling me to focus when you're being all grabby-grabby at my girl parts?"

"You're the one who thought it'd be a good idea to hide a knife inside a push-up bra." Rufus sighed again, and in annoyance, he muttered, "Besides, it's not like there's much to be grabby oooun!"

Rufus groaned as Yuffie had, once again, kneed him in the groin.

"Focus on our escape, Shinra."

And that's when the trunk's latch clicked as it popped open…

* * *

_To Be Continued..._

_

* * *

_

Oh wow! A whole story with a plot suddenly spawned from this Rubbish Bin! I will definitely be continuing this Yuffie x Rufus storyline. Now... I just have to think of a name...

And special thanks to Ganimydeai, for sitting through all my long brainstorming sessions. LOL. Your input has been really helpful.

NOTES:

_Muspellheim –_From the 9 realms of Norse myth. This is a realm made of fire.


End file.
